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Showing posts with label asking for help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label asking for help. Show all posts

June 19, 2012

Landlord Harassment

Landlord Harassment


 This post is a follow up to Final Days of My Demise.

The landlord is pissing me off now.  Back on June 1st I offered him the current month's rent due for June and in doing so told him that I am in a position that if I paid this to him that I would not have money to move out and asked if he would delay the eviction so long as I was paying the currently due rent plus whatever I could afford on top of that to go towards the arrears.  He flat out refused and told me to "just move out".

 Since then, I paid $300 to my overdue and pending shut off internet service, which I need to do my work, as well as for communication, etc.  I then paid $100 each on my gas and electric and also went into Boston to get a copy of my birth certificate and pay a reinstatement fee to reinstate my right to operate within Massachusetts.  This came out to $140.   I also had to pay domain renewals and that come out to $80, then an additional $70 for the dedicated server my network runs on.  Of the remaining $210 I still have $110 of it, the rest already spent on bullshit like toothpaste, shampoo, laundry, bus fair and other miscellaneous expenses.

The landlord has called me and left voice mail messages NINE TIMES since the date I received the summons. I simply refused to answer as I have no answers for him.  Well, today he showed up at my door and asked when I am moving out.  My response was "you served me summons to appear for eviction, so, you'll get an answer then".   He got irate and said "just move out".  I reminded him that I offered to pay June's rent and that he refused.  He played stupid trying to deny it and then stated, so, where's the money now.  I told him I paid utilities and other expenses and no longer have it and now the landlord flips out stating "that's bullshit, you didn't spend $5000 on utilities".  Perhaps he should calm the fuck down and clean the shit out of his ears, because I clearly was talking about the $1000 I had on June 1st, yet the guy wants to screw around with this bullshit.  He got irate and screamed "GET THE FUCK OUT".   I responded back, "You filed a complaint in court for eviction, so, no, I will not move out unless I received it in writing from your attorney that the complaint will not be pursued if I move out before the entry date on the summons.  His response was "fuck you, give me the fucking keys", so, I guess going to court is the only option remaining.

 I would LIKE to move out and save the landlord the time and trouble of going to court, and also so that he can get it rented out as fast as possible so he is earning income on the unit, some of which he would of had, had he not refused my payment on June 1st.  Problem is, I have NOWHERE to go, nor am I able to just move out and be on the streets without at least a storage bin for the stuff we need and intend on keeping.

Of course going to court on July 5 knowing I will lose and only be allowed a maximum of 10 days to vacate, I have only 25 days remaining before my family and I will be officially homeless, yet I have hardly any income coming in, although I do know I have $275 coming some time next week, and MAYBE an additional $200 around the 10th of July.  There's also $50 sitting in my Paypal from donations received, so, at least I know I should be able to get some sort of storage bin, BUT, I also know that if I go to court and lose, I will have an eviction for non payment on my record and it will make it impossible to find a new apartment, so, I really wish I could just move out, because prior to all this bullshit, the landlord stated that he would not pursue the matter in court if I just moved out, yet he refuses to give me that in writing, so, what the fuck am I supposed to do, pull monkeys out of my ass.

 As if owing rent is bad enough, there's still the legal fees I was court ordered to pay, so, I still have to pay off $480 by Sept 10, and then there's the driver's license reinstatement fee to be paid in New Hampshire and hopefully I will be able to renew the registration on my motorcycle so that I at least have transportation, but without a home address, being homeless, how the hell do I register my bike.. and then there's the remaining unpaid balance on the utilities which is another $500+, and then on July 11 I get wacked with an annual invoice due on my business, which if is not paid leaves me completely fucked as my entire network of domains and internet properties will go offline, so, I am FREAKING THE FUCK OUT as usual, because now I am stressed out over the fact that the landlord showed up today to pressure me into leaving without going to court.

Again I made phone calls to local charitable organizations and again I get the run around that they're out of funds or do not have funds available... WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

I am running out of time, am overwhelmed and am having difficulty staying positive as things at this point do not look good.   I have posted here as well as YouTube, etc asking for donations and in total thus far received $330, $270 of it received prior to June 1st which was part of the $1000 mentioned earlier in this post, the other $50 of it still in Paypal as mentioned.   I keep hoping and praying that I can pull out of this mess with the help of others willing to donate, so, if you can, please use the button below.  Thank you.
Please donate to help.

Overall, I need to come up with at least $3500 by my court date of July 5th in order to move into another apartment, so, I am hoping people will help. There's other related posts discussing this issue and my pending homelessness and as I reach out and plea with others for help, it seems hopeless, although six people did donate, I need more as I'm not confident I'm able to pull through this alone.

June 15, 2012

The Final Days of My Demise

The Final Days of My Demise


I am now agonized over the absolute certainty of my world as I know it coming to a catastrophic upheaval, culminating in complete destruction.  I abhor the doom that awaits me as it surely feels like certain death of my mind and spirit, because the ultimate and worst consequence of this disaster is potentially the loss of my child since our nation is a police state and would seek to take my child due to being homeless, yet, on the same token, has in large part contributed to the cause that resulted in the homelessness.


As I sit here writing this post, I went into a long winded fit of rage several paragraphs in length, finally coming to my senses and deleting it all for the sake of not offending anyone whom may take things the wrong way and twist it all out of context.  Simply put, I am angry, depressed, overwhelmed with fear, anxiety and dread, that and so much more beyond words.  I am having great difficulty describing the myriad of emotions and feelings running amok in my mind right now, but I assure you, it is damn frustrating, and it scares me to death.  I am VERY AFRAID and I need help.

I don't like being in the position of needing to ask for help, because I feel powerless and it's not only damaging to my self esteem, but makes me feel like shit.  I try to keep a positive outlook and feel confident that I can do whatever it takes to resolve this fucking disaster, but I'm now at my wits end and I'm losing my fucking mind.

If you're a regular reader of this blog, or are one of my YouTube subscribers, personal friend, or social network friend / follower, then you already know that I am suffering financial difficulties and am in the middle of eviction proceedings.  Well, today I was finally served summons with a court date of July 5th and knowing that the courts only allow a MAXIMUM of 10 days before executing the eviction, this means I have exactly 30 days left before I am out on the streets, with NOWHERE TO GO with my six year old child and paranoid schizophrenic wife.

It's driving me fucking insane trying to figure out how to resolve this.  I try and try and I am sick and fucking tired of not getting anywhere in changing the situation and it's scaring the shit out of me.   I asked friends and family for help and NOT ONE of them can do anything whatsoever to help, NONE OF THEM.   I called Salvation Army, St Vincent De Paul, Catholic Charities, Community Action and numerous other charitable organizations hoping for some form of help in avoiding homelessness, all to no avail as they all claim to be out of funding and unable to help, with the exception of St Vincent De Paul who simply said I do not qualify due to not having enough income to maintain my household budget, basically saying that if they did assist with funds to payoff my rental debt, that I would potentially be back in this very same position months down the road, so, their answer was "sorry, we can't help you".   Now, when I say they can't help, I mean they can't or won't help with my eviction and pending homelessness problem.  They did and do help with food when and if needed, but that's it.

I also contacted State and Federal agencies and am getting NOWHERE in obtaining any help whatsoever in resolving my crisis because they either claim I do not qualify, or they're out of funding.  One such program that claimed to be out of funds was the Massachusetts RAFT program.  Another, called Home Base, told me that my income was inadequate, therefore I do not qualify.

It seems anything and everything I try ends up in failure these days.  I reached out to people online asking for help, hoping perhaps a miracle would happen, and while three people did donate cash totaling $270, I really was hoping things would have been much better than that since my thinking was, that if I have around 1800+ social media contacts and friends, roughly around 100 or so of them from real life, plus daily blog visitors, that perhaps if each donated only $2, that it would raise around $4000, but no, this did not happen.

Feeling that perhaps asking people to help may seem like a bad thing, I thought perhaps I could create some sort of incentive and offer something in return, so, I come up with the Occupy My Blog campaign, hoping to sell advertising and social media linking, etc, but this too ended up in miserable failure.  After an estimated 3500+ people viewed the relevant posts detailing the ad packages up for offering, not one ad spot was sold.  Currently, two spots are occupied since a these YouTube each donated more than $100 each of the $270 mentioned above, so, naturally I want to link to them and promote them as a way of thanks, but for some reason, I really thought it was a good idea, and apparently it was not, which sucks.  I even dropped the price down to $20 which is a great deal considering, yet, it still fails in getting any sort of results that can help me out of this crisis.

What I'm really aiming for is to come up with enough to move into a new apartment, since it seems easier to do that than to have to scrape up $5000+, but that's only part of the problem.  I also still owe legal debts, which come out to $480 and while I was trying to accumulate funds to either pay or move, I end up paying utilities and other costs, such as my business accounts payable, etc.   Now, while I'm at it, I should also add to this that I have done some really STUPID things, such as buy cigarettes, because both my wife and I are addicted and are having EXTREME difficulty in quitting.  I KNOW I can, and I want to, and I know I NEED TO, yet, every time I tried, I feel like I am succeeding and then my wife pushes my buttons hard with her delusional psycho behavior, which boils my blood so bad that I go back to smoking... It's difficult to stop under this kind of stress.  I was out all afternoon, roughly around 5 hours alone with my daughter and I didn't smoke one single cigarette, yet, when I returned home, my wife was up my ass and in my face with her crazy shit, and she was smoking in the house after I repeatedly asked her not to, therefore, I lit up.  I am sick of it.   Here I am ranting on and on about needing help, yet I am contributing to my own disaster and doom due to this weakness.  Perhaps I could have left that bit out, but I am being honest and straight up here, because things like this don't only happen due to economic downturn, but from irresponsibility as well, so, I wanted to accept responsibility for creating part of the problem and that I am fully committed to quitting as I KNOW it is a contributing factor to my problem, therefore, I WILL QUIT, because if I don't, things are going to be REALLY BAD and because of all this shit that's happened, I HATE THE FUCKING THINGS AND WHAT IT CAUSED. I am DONE.. I may be powerless in changing my situation, but I will NOT be powerless to a fucking cigarette and I am going to FIGHT THE URGE to smoke, and so help me god, I will NOT smoke any more. I only have 8 smokes left, and knowing it's easier to quit in the morning after being smoke free for those hours of sleep, I will start my first day smoke free in the morning, because it's harder to stop right now with nicotine in my system. NO MORE EXCUSES, and I'm not just saying that so people will help me, I really want to do this. It's something I regularly talked about on numerous blogtv broadcasts, so, it's not a new thing. Biggest fucking mistake of my life and if I don't quit, I WILL REGRET IT because my life is fucked up and will get worse if I keep smoking, and I have my little girl to worry and think about, so I will STOP! I might be a miserable prick the first day, but after that it's smooth sailing.

Job hunting around here is a fruitless nightmare.  At least four days a week for the past month or more, and NOTHING.  I feel like the entire ordeal was a complete WASTE OF TIME and it is frustrating as fuck.   I listed items on Craigslist, including my motorcycle and not one thing sold.  I even have things here on my blog, that I listed months ago and still, no buyers.  Over the last three months I listed over 300+ items on eBay with only a dozen items selling, which means more wasted time and false hope.  Why is anything and everything I do to try to resolve this crisis end up not working out in my favor?   I even make more YouTube videos hoping any of them would be successful enough to grow my channel enough to generate a significant income, yet it never happens.  Yeah, sure people like Ray William Johnson and several others all can earn six figure incomes doing videos, yet it seems impossible for me to even make just enough to pay bills.   My Google income for last month was a miserable $56, most of that from YouTube.. fucking PATHETIC.  What was I thinking when I thought I could become popular on YouTube and even make a living doing it.

Meanwhile, I still am doing anything and everything I can to turn my business around and generate more income, yet nothing seems to be improving and it's driving me fucking insane.  I keep hoping, I keep trying and I keep trying to stay positive that my businesses income will pick up in the near future, but I'm running out of time.  The clock is ticking.. I now have exactly 30 DAYS remaining before I am officially HOMELESS, after that, there will be no more blog posts, no more YouTube videos, no more social networking, and my business will completely crash and burn, since I work online maintaining a network 100 domains utilizing affiliate marketing programs for revenue, which was in the past successful, but took a bad turn and now in need of overhaul to get back to the way it used to be.  The economy played a big part in this as well since it's no PPC, but commission per sale, so, once I am homeless, everything is gone since I will not be online to maintain the properties, keep up with domain renewals, hosting, etc.   Sure this blog and YouTube will still be here when I get back, but without updates and fresh content regularly, I can kiss any income from Google goodbye.   I also would lose communication with so many people I enjoy networking with, because I would not have internet access being homeless, because I only have a desktop.... So, in approximately 30 days, I will be saying my goodbyes.....  I'm fucking falling apart and don't know where I am gonna go.   I even called shelters, and OMG what a nightmare that is.. It would take numerous lengthy paragraphs to get into all that, but to make it short, homeless shelters are NOT a viable option for me and my daughter, not ifs ands or buts.

I am simply FUCKED and I truly NEED YOUR HELP.  I posted a photo I took of the summons I got delivered today in the hopes that it shows authenticity of my predicament and would motivate people to kindly donate to help me avoid becoming homeless.  Personally identifying information of all persons has been redacted from the photo for security purposes. With the donations, I hope to collect at least enough to move into another apartment.   Your donation can be as low as ONE DOLLAR up to whatever you want to contribute.  Paypal takes 2.9% +.30 as a fee and the rest will be credited to my Paypal account.

Please donate to help.

Thank you.

The only income I know that is coming in over the next couple weeks is approximately $275, and without any resolution to this crisis, is likely to be spent on acquiring a storage bin and making a payment on outstanding legal fees for which I face penalty if not paid. I'm desperate and freaking the fuck out.