Bye Bye Whore, Hello Podunk

So much has happened in my personal life over the last couple weeks and I feel very compelled to share with you these things.

As many of you may know, I was being evicted from my home and facing homelessness, but working on being placed into family shelter through the Massachusetts Department of Housing and Community Development, however, that plan fell apart and things went entirely in a different direction.

The eviction was executed on August 2nd, however, we were told by DHCD that we would not be eligible for shelter placement until August 6th, so, my daughter, wife and I camped out in a tent on the beach behind a local campground for the weekend with the intention of following through with our plan to be placed via DHCD.

That all changed Sunday morning, August 5th when my wife, at 6:30am woke me up in her fit of psychotic and delusional behavior that caused me to panic because I did not want campers in the nearby campground to hear her loud and disruptive behavior that would certainly lead to someone calling the police if she didn't shut up, so, freaking out over the possibility of facing legal issues over camping on the beach and being homeless with a child, I began packing everything up and then walked away.

Naturally my wife ranted and screamed the entire way and in doing so told me that while drunk, on three separate occasions, has cheated on me by having sex with three different men. I was FURIOUS and very hurt and told her that our relationship is OVER. When we arrived in downtown, I put our tent and gear back into our storage bin, and then my wife, the mother of my children, said she was taking off and going to disappear.

My daughter and I watched her walk away for a moment, and then I asked my little girl, "Do you want to follow mommy" and her answer was "No, just let her go.. I want to stay with you daddy".... It was the following morning that we were to return to DHCD, however, now that my wife was not with us, we had friends willing to help us, so, spent the night at one such friends and then moved to the Cape to temporarily live with my mother and older daughter. Previously this was not an available option since my wife was not welcome, and as much as I do appreciate my mother's help and really enjoy being with my older daughter, that she and my youngest are together, the situation presents some difficult challenges for me because I am transgender and am being forced back into repression and hiding who I am due to my mother's fears, etc over the reactions of others and that of my older daughter who does not know. The other challenge here is that this community is akin to podunk and you need a vehicle to get anywhere. I simply hate this area and feel trapped, but it'll have to do until I can change that, which I feel may not be for a long time since school starts in a couple weeks and I am not willing to disrupt my child's education in order to move to another town, although I do hope to be out of my mom's house and in a place of my own within a couple to few months.

I did manage to get my PC, so, will be back to my normal networking and blogging activities and with luck save my business that is falling apart. I'm certain my business will fully collapse near the beginning of next month since I have two invoices overdue for $250 which if not paid will cause me to lose domains and my web server, putting me completely out of business and losing any little income being generated. The other challenge for me is how to pay $300 in court costs due by Sept 13 for a bogus charge that was dismissed, so, I simply feel overwhelmed and fucked.

To make matters worse, my motorcycle is in my father in laws yard and he is demanding that I remove it ASAP or he'll "get rid of it", this after he gave me permission to park it there. He's just being a jerk to me because of his daughter, and well, I have no way to get it, nor the money to do so. DAMN, I love my bike and will be pissed if I lose it.

Anyway, I had to return to my home area to tie up loose ends over the past weekend, chase down some documents, get my PC from storage, etc and took my daughter to the Chinese August Moon Festival in Boston's Chinatown. We had a great time and it was a much needed break for me to get away from my mom's for the weekend so I can put on my wig, makeup, skirt and heels, etc. I am MISERABLE when I am denied the ability to be my self, and here I sit writing this all a mere 4 days after returning and I am already irritable, depressed and anxious over the fact I am unable to outwardly express my gender identity.

Chinese August Moon Festival, Chinatown, Boston 2012

There's some great news too. Today I was in Probate and Family court and have been granted emergency sole legal and physical custody of my six year old daughter and given the circumstances with her mother, I should be granted custody permanently when the hearing takes place, I believe in 90 days.

Tomorrow I hope to be hired for a job somewhere, although there's jack shit out here other than small retail and food service, I need something, so, hopefully find something ASAP before shit gets worse again.

All I know is, I really need to improve and change my life and the sooner, the better.